It's hard to believe that I have not posted anything here for 6 years. I have never been much of a blogger or whatever, and the stuff that I do write makes me cringe when I read it years later. But hey I can take solace in that I'm not the person that I was 11 years ago. Also I'm not the person that I might be 11 years from now, but that's a different story. I heard on NPR someone talk about how the future and the past were more real than the present, which contradicted what I've heard elsewhere, that we all need to live in the now. His arguement was that there really is no such thing as "the present" because it is always shifting under our feet.
I've been thinking a lot about that Kierkegaard quote “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." I can construct a narrative of my life over the past 11 years by reading through these posts that was not obvious at the time. That narrative might be total fiction and just my way of making sense of things. Why did I make this or that decision, or not make this or that decison, or just sit back for several years and let life pass me by while I stayed home and played video games. Some of those video games were pretty good though. I'm talking to you, Unreal Tournament 2004.
I feel pity for that person that I was, I really do. It wasn't entirely his fault. He had been raised and conditioned to take care of his family and do whatever they asked, and it followed him as he became an adult. On some level he felt that he had to always be around for his family, and that he couldn't develop his own, fulfilled life. He became shy, timid, afraid to speak up for himself or say what was really on his mind, always giving people the benefit of the doubt even as they walked all over him. He met some great, kind, generous people during that time,and he gradually began to assert control over and create his own life.
So obviously, this guy is, or was, me. I feel like he'll always be lurking around in my consciousness somewhere, but he's usually not the guy that's in charge.
So, I had meant for this update to be pretty upbeat, because these days I do feel upbeat and positive and optimistic aout the future than I've been in a long time. My wife Valerie and I (wife?? I have a wife now? when did that happen to a guy that never ever thought he would get married? ) will finally move away from the social wasteland that is the suburbs where I've lived almost my entire life. Enough Acton already. We will live in Boston now, or Allston to be more precise. It's a start. No more driving to and from Acton to the city environs everytime we want to see friends or do anything fun.
We are the middle of selling our condo, and at this time have a very interested buyer lined up, so hopefully that sale should close soon.
Since 2009 I also went back to school (again) for biotechnology, and just a few months started a job in biotech manufacturing as a "cell culture technician" which sure beats the the call center jobs that I had for 15 years where I was mentally beaten down and lost my respect for the human race. I'm still going to school during nights, afte work, which can be exhasting sometimes and leaves me feeling sleep deprived. But I think everything will work out O.K.
So, I think I've come a long way in 11 years. I have a job that I like, and we'll be living closer to friends and fun events. Days will soon be filled with nice times, hanging out with people, and plenty of sleep, and time for hobbies and movies and reading and many other things that are enjoyable.
See you in another 6 years, Livejournal?